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In the land of Snakes

Twenty six days ago and three hundred fifty kilometers north

I
Moon

I reached Aldona late in the night. It was Purnima, the full moon of Holi. Vishwan was away, gone to a border village, tsar. A place somewhere in the middle of the jungle at the border of Goa and Maharashtra. But I had no idea of that then, I was waiting. I sat downstairs at the bar. Grandmother was pouring feny to a local. She told me about Vishwan smoking too much. The room was lit with two cyan bulbs. He arrived. We kept my backpack at his place. He lit his cigarette. We sat. His hair had grown and white; beard thickened and black. Soon, we were off, feeling the dense wind of the leaving winter, scooting through the western ghats in the night going towards the moon.

We entered the fair. Vishwan parked the vehicle somewhere outside and we started walking away from the lights towards the jungle. It was late. But it wasn’t dark. The night seemed to have dissolved with milk. The path. Fields. Water. Jungle were awake. Suddenly a swan rose and flew crying at the top of her voice, like informing a far someone. He flew around in a big circle over our heads and went away. We kept walking. A stream came. We stood for some time looking, hearing the nature and kept walking further along the mud road. There was no sound, not even of crickets or any other creature. It was a silent night. Far up in the mountains suddenly, our eyes wide open,
did you see that? It was not still.
Yes.
What was that?
A running fire?? Rolling down from up!!?

We saw a ball of fire. It is not possible for a human to be able to make such a thing happen. We kept looking at the far forest. It wasn’t a man controlled fire. It seemed like a performance, making us feel it was more that just fire. And over. It was brief. And we were in milk dark again.

For a long time, nothing happened. Then as the path curved, far in the shrubs behind the trees, Vishwan pointed my sight towards a blue light flickering, like a well placed blue dot bulb. It was fascinating but it couldn’t have been light like. At first it seemed coming out of an insect. We tried going near to it but couldn’t. It remained unmoved even after long when we decided to move on. The walk had started taking a toll on me. I had flown from Delhi today, had crossed half of Goa on bike as a pillion. I could have just lied down on grass and close my eyes. But I think we both heard a bark from far. It had come from so far that we just overheard it. Suddenly a small fox like creature bisected the road running furiously away from us. It was late in the night. Quiet but in no way the jungle was sleeping and we could feel it. Slowly we meandered towards a platform from where right in front of us stood the biggest tree I had seen in many years of living nights. Resting our eyes, we just kept looking straight in awe towards the direction of the huge tree. Vishwan had taken his lighter out but soon when it seemed we are not alone he quietly slid it back in his pocket. Far, something started moving. The bark came again. And this time it came straight from the tree, right in front of us. As we looked closely what settled under the shade, we started seeing eyes looking back at us, hundreds of eyes, open, wide, white were just gazing in our direction. They looked inhuman, and had become restless by our uninvited presence. We saw them Sitting. Standing around, under the circumference of the tree. They were everywhere, over the branches, above, even on the sides and the middle, sternly looking back at us from behind the logs, branches and leaves, nude.

The world is a dream. And the dream is true. We kept still, trying to figure our ground, we had realised some movement from the far end of the field. First of all, it seemed like a reflection in the water only to realize that they were marching like clones very slowly. Like an ant army walking in one line. Unending. The most freaking part was that every body had there right hand up with a closed fist. We kept seeing. The time had freezed. It wasn’t looking fun. To our dismay, one after the other the moment they turned right, one throat after other started screaming so loud and together as they started running towards us.

Dark.


II

Road to Rudrapada

I left goa soon afterwards. Even though I tried to look for a place after that incident but the whole time it wasn’t feeling right. The owners I met and the people in general lacked something probably warmth. Each place I was lead to was a concrete mess. I had started relating events with each other. Nothing filled with joy was happening. Either the places were expensive or the vibe was cold. Or simply it wasn’t the place to be at that time for me. After much thought I got all my books, luggage and decided to leave Goa altogether. I came down to a place I had not considered at all yet it should have been the first place to go to. I got the first train in the morning and came down to Rudrapada. In the second hour, I found a home, an old wood and local mud brick house constructed by a Canadian, thirty years ago. It was the only house in the whole wide field with numerous coconut trees amongst others, an angry young male buffalo for company and a big lonely frog- kupamanduka in the well always looking up.

That night after the incident, something more violent happened. Or it could have gone further. I can only imagine if someone wanted me somewhere else. I had felt being pushed away from there, the night with Vishwan. So much so it made me vary of my standing for a while, my acts. I watched every happening intensely, every person, their passing gaze arose questions in me for somedays after that night.

Imagine thousands of people quietly walking together silently in a semi desert at night, submerged in the white light looking far in the dark. Anticipating together. Further ahead the land was guarded by those same nude men looking as vulnerable unlike they were when they had confronted us; imagine that many people trying their best to be not wild even while wanting to make noise, but they cannot. They were gripped like us were but in a much larger theatre. The chaos was in the silence itself. In the white night, eyes looking in each direction expecting some fire from the sky to come. And it came.

The night passed peacefully later with only milk as memory. I escaped almost unhurt.

Since that night a change had set in the mind cycle. I had started studying the law of the land, her stories, I asked and heard about the rituals and the first men who had inhabited the land If any. I spoke to the local priest and met a sage who was travelling but had decided to rest for few weeks at Rama temple. He told me one day that from Lower Maharashtra to Kanyakumari, the Indian western coast is Naag Bhoomi. It means, the land belonging to the snakes. And thus very hallucinating in nature. You see it is a beautiful region, isn’t it? With mountains and green cover all over wherever you roll your eyes. Here are all kinds of creatures and the deepest wells. And above all the sea, looking over humans for years even beyond man made time. We are like sand for him. It lures us. This land is alluring. Even Lord Rama had to sit here and focus for two nights; he meditated here before proceeding towards Lanka. The sage was right, you arrive here, and for years you might just stay or keep coming back. I for sure was looking far deeper than I had ever looked.
III

Varanasi of the South

I had never stayed near a sea before this time for an extended period. A mountain may strengthen you physically but the sea grows you from inside. Because it keeps taking you and from you, emptying you slowly, it touches deeper than where your breath comes from. Keeps directing your days towards evenings into nights with similar ease. Waves. I stopped wearing footwears altogether. I started walking on my skin and as one goddess whispered to me then about the sight, intuition and future enters in you from your toe, she knew it well.

After years of tapa, Lord Shiva gave atmalinga to Ravana, who had thought of taking it back home. But Shiva also instructed that the Lingam would stay permanently where ever it will be first placed on land, so he must never put it down unless he means to. While passing through Karwar, Lord Ganesha came in the form of a boy and planted it in Gokarna, while Ravana was performing rituals. And Once placed Ravana could not remove it from the ground, and in rage broke, removed some pieces of the Lingam and threw them in different directions.

One day I followed an Italian man whom I had seen previously. I had been curious of his gentle walk. And during noon made sure to walk when the whole town was taking a nap.  I was having a papaya shake when I saw him. He took a turn towards a lane behind a well that I never thought existed. I went behind him. I don’t know where he went but he led me to the biggest snake temple in the sleepy town. It was ancient, with hundreds of sculpted snake murals. I sat there under the tree and closed my eyes. I opened it to the sound of a man singing a sanskrit hyme to the snake deity. The words and rhythm of the sound were so perfect that I kept seeing and hearing him for the rest of the evening. When he finished I went over and spoke to him in sanskrit, he couldn’t understand but spoke to me in Hindi. it was surprising because I haven’t heard Hindi here for sometime. He told me he comes from Maharashtra, he left his home and lives by the beach. Sleeps in the park by the sea. We came out of the temple together; the sun had already set and the moment he looked up in the sky, he bowed. Even without my asking he pointed my direction towards a star. He said. Shiva ate him. And has now become Shiva himself. He left soon and I never saw him again.

I used to eat in the temple many a night, and took the walk back home via sea. I started personally knowing sevaks from the temple and many other people who like me came to this place after seven. I befriended some who have kept coming to this powerful place, for shiva to speak with. And for the Shakti which is further up on a hill in the town.

Close by, Gokarna is a town of old spirits slowly waking up to time. It is also known for a very particular reason as I will learn soon. One day the sage during a converstaion opened up, he told me that this place is more powerful than you would know. The energy around the area where lingam is, is magnetic. And it is believed that the spring water here comes from Ganga via Ujjain. This is dakshina Kashi, Varanasi of the south. It is known as a place where Shiva became one with him self. Hence the place attracts sages and worshippers to attain siddhis or insight for higher perspective because here you attain it faster than you even do in Kashi. The sea that you see is not any other water body, it is touched by shiva himself, it is touched by the most angry avatar of vishnu, the Parashuram. Every good cause, or bad comes at a price.

The evenings at Gokarna sea became most memorable. The sun meets with the sea daily by the end of the day. Evening were one of the most sacred times of the day, a ritual that many men and women followed, daily. I noticed people taking their places at same times sitting well before and after looking at the sun setting. Many went for the longest walk till the end and coming back. I once found the same gentle Italian man sitting on a chair ever so gracefully looking at the sea. I went and sat down with him. He was happy to meet and told me that he is leaving tomorrow. After a quiet while, while looking at the sun and the sea he started speaking. Once i was eating something at the shack back there, what i saw was a man who had gone to swim in front of me, asking for help, he was drowning. I left everything and ran as fast as I can to save him. Once in the water It was hard to push him outside because he was much taller than I was. It took all of my strength but he got saved. I just closed my eyes and lied on my back. But the moment I lied down on the beach tired, I saw another man running like a replica, like I did minutes before, running to save another man who was drowning only a hundred meters away. The only thing different happened was that they both drowned. And that day a total of four people died. I am coming here for past twenty seven years. I always try to come here when I come to India. This place is a strange land, very mystical, very powerful. The sea is living. And even as a foreigner coming here for so many years I have realised that life needs sacrifice. The sun had set, quietly we sat looking towards the orange sky.

I had arrived here when winters were ending. I lived through spring. The one thing that made all the difference here for me was water. The water I was drinking. It was only because of  the spring water that I first decided to leave Goa and came to stay at this place. Water that they say is coming from mother Ganga. The spring water is for every one to drink. And It was a joy to go every third day or fourth to walk all the way crossing the long sand path looking at the sea, to meet with the sage and to fill the natural mineral water from the spring. It cut my cost of living to half.

The laws of enjoyment changes for a long traveler; one who is seeking elemental high, within himself, created and directed through one and the only mother nature.

IV

Swimming with the fishes

Some time back a world opened. I had decided to study Sanskrit. It was a new space where people of different generations that I came to know consciously converse in Sanskrit. I met Gana because of Sanskrit. He came to meet me in Rudrapada. He is a young professor who has been studying the works of Kalidasa, and teaches him to his students at the Sanskrit university in Sringeri. It was delightful to see him running and doing his swimming away from the water on the beach. I had promised to visit him in Sringeri before I head back north.

At last the time arrived to leave Rudrapada. The old Sage and a Kashmiri friend who had come to visit me from Bengaluru, also came to drop at the Gokarna bus stand. The station master told me that there isn’t a bus to Udupi but nearby. Only in the bus I learnt that this will go straight to Udupi, and from there I can get a bus to Sringeri.

In the bus, a short man who sat beside me asked my marital status the first thing and later my caste. He happily informed me about his family and his girls. It was humid. children were crying, travelling in the Karnataka state bus that had only one exit at the back. I reached Udupi in little over four hours time.

Udupi bus stand was not very big, and even in the chaos it looked a bit orderly. I had two hours to wait I was told. I sat and had lunch and found a place where I made this sketch.

A small green bus came and the journey to Sringeri began in the evening. Small buses indicate by their stature the journey will be a hike. The tropical trees were wet and the color green. The mist started settling with clouds hovering all over. It did not take much time to start breathing deep.

According to legend, Adi Sankaracharya is said to have selected Sringeri as the place to stay and teach his disciples, because when he was walking by the Tunga river, he saw a cobra with a raised hood, providing shelter to a frog undergoing labour from rain. Impressed with the place where natural enemies had gone beyond their instincts, he stayed here for twelve years, and decided to establish his school here as his dakshina peetha. Adi Shankaracharya also established mathas in the northern (at Jyotirmath, near Badrinath), eastern (at Puri) and western (at Dwarka) quarters of India.

A hill town, Sringeri is the taluk headquarters, located in Chikmagalur district in the state of Karnataka. It is the site of first matha Sringeri Sarada Peetham established by Adi Sankara. It is also the highest place in Karnataka, famous for its coffee and weather. A hill station for the people coming from cities. Agumbe, the nearby town here is known as the cherrapunji of south. Even though I did not experience any rain in my short stay. The time spent in the main rangnatha temple premises and swimming in the Tunga river was memorable.

Tunga wasn’t even considered a river in ancient india, it was one of those streams that were nameless, as there used to be many in numbers. Only bigger rivers had names, Sai said. I met Sai and we started speaking as soon as I entered the river to swim away from the ghat. It seemed strangely kind and admirable to meet Sai. He had just left his job in the US. He was a scientist and had been researching on ground water and on the trees that used to accompany a river in ancient times. He started speaking about the history of Sringeri and Tunga. He talked about trees in ancient times that were mainly found around a river and how it has changed drastically from the times british came here who brought many other varities of trees that were planted alongside many rivers in India. He talked about how cultures who came from outside tried to change here according to them. I later learnt that he has been working on a very interesting book for children on mathematics and astrology. We spent a good time conversing about culture and about bad trees that are one of the reasons for the death of the rivers.

I made a small video the next day but as it happened the sound came out so bad that I cannot use the timeline I wanted, instead sharing something completely new, that even I did not think but anything is good for you to meet and hear Sai.


—–

 

For a better Life

As someone pointed out; convinience trumps privacy. Morality and good judgement for too many of us- the internet has made things faster, and faster has become the point.

But whatever place you’re going, at breakneck speed, the one that requires shortcuts, hustle and compromises.

What will happen when you get there?

Pattern

Here In north India if women had left dishes overnight to wash them tomorrow; then elderly women used to say that the dishes will now go to bathe in the Ganges.

It has a metaphorical meaning if you apply it to human day to day life. What you set out for today, has to be finished today else killing time kills more time. Don’t turn it into a pattern.

 

The measure of happiness

In one of my travels a sage asked me, what is the measure of happiness? I tried guessing but I wasn’t close ? Measure? I could only ask back if it can be measured.

As I softly asked him to please stop smiling, and enlighten me. He took his time. And said the true measure of happiness is the average sum of sunrises and sunsets a man sees divided by the days of life.

Sometimes it feels inappropriate but it is kind of apt.

Breathe deep, and Run

Sometimes from somewhere a may be comes. Now may be is a hope. It is told to you that if you can run till a point you might catch what you are seeking.

The time is limited. You have no idea of the way. Your resolve at first will be far from achieving it. But in the now you start running. But you realize that light has started getting darker. The steps are uneven. Some slopes. Could be up could be down. Some roses with thorns of autumn. Some puzzles to make the way interesting. If you then just gain that rhythm of not merely running but enjoying the performance of just being. Of seeing hindrances as a way of getting better, stronger. Using your body and mind as a tool. That when you will even reach. And if there will be no one to clap. The rewards regardless, are going to be so multiple from all the oxytocin that you created with your thoughts, with your lungs. That whole space will start treating you as you are his own. Quietly.

My house on a Mountain

Its night. Tonight I am the only person left on this hill. From my hut the jungle starts.  I live in the farthest hut amongst three. The third one. It’s partially pink and other room is wood. The room is a closed wooden balcony. Surely a bear might not be able to break the door and come. I heard in the noon a news flying about two somebody seeing two bear cubs nearby. The wooden room has a pillow swing, but it doesn’t swing. Finally the Israelis left today after living by themselves here for 6 summer months.

DSC01277

The nights are getting colder cold. We are almost past autumn. Today was sunny. Some men have been slowly slaughtering trees for past few days. I hear their machine daily. Pluto arrived with potata, she is a beautiful mountain dog. Follows Pluto like a shadow. She gave birth to nine pups last week. Later I and Pluto walked along to the thukpa shop. I ordered momos too. Thukpa was water with 10 indian chic peas and noodles minus joy. Meanwhile Kaalu came in the night. His soocter had a neon headlight.

We walked up the mountain along a stream. Cold wind blew and leaves kept falling for a long time.

Leave fall in autumn! Pluto sighed from behind.

When you are in your perceptible peace or low. Listen to UG Krishnamurthy. A lone dog is barking far. The chameleon couple that lives above my balcony seems happy. Amongst them one is mildly screaming. Both run as I hear them in this godforsaken hour. Their feet in rhythm like running on a wooden drum.

From a house on the mountain

What is being Yogi ?

Yog is to unite. Yoga is union. I will not talk about the Yog sutras here as described by the great one ‘Patanjali’. I will talk in lay man terms as I have experienced it.

Studying Yog is like spending each each day, each hour and moment living with awareness. Studying one’s breath and actions.

And that is the whole essence of being a Yogi. To master one’s breath. And then letting that flow align with one’s body and mind with the spirit i.e awareness.

Understanding time can be a complex zone. But each spirit has its own understanding with time. And if we can distribute a word like time into twenty four hours; one day at a time then it gets easier as it gets interesting. Biding the time. Learning to spend not just each hour but each breath in awareness. Awareness not just of movement but of energy- the most important aspect. Food.

An Unending Cycle

A trigger prompts a cycle. And that cycle might go on longer than it should.

The first spoonful of ice cream can trigger a cycle of binge eating that you regret later.

The silence of walking into an empty house might trigger you to turn on the TV, and that cycle of wasting time watching nothing that matters goes on all night.

The rush to get out the door leads to a cycle of rushing, which makes your commute a daredevil exercise, one that takes hours to recover from.

It’s really useful to see your cycles and to work to dampen them (it’s almost impossible to go cold turkey).

Even better is to find and eliminate the triggers. That’s surprisingly easy if you care enough. Quit Twitter. Empty your freezer. Wake up ten minutes earlier…

Make these decisions when you’re not in the middle of a cycle.

With the trigger gone, you might discover the cycles are gone too.

A Digital mind

The world has long gone past finding comfort for humans. Comfort seems secondary. They might only say it has only started. Facebook and Google will leave no stone unturned to get even the last human trying to hide in his cave to get connected with the world.

The momentum of the world trade and news constantly travelling is like making too much noise standing. Iam certain now that the race is not to find god but to become formless while living. One can argue, we are our own god and only us can stop ourselves from doing or not doing.

In doing they might have exceeded their own expectations but every achievement is not the end of the story. The story keeps becoming. It is neverending. It merely adds another layer of truth, another variation of the result.

How ever much our minds become digital, we are still a long way to forget our mothers.

Schools ruining the foundational roots of learning

We spent almost 15 years being brainwashed on learning things that have nothing to do majorly with our present mind space. And we keep paying the price.

It is proven that the most dangerous habits of all come from high school.

Because if you are not willing to explore and experience, you are not willing to learn.

Traditional schooling rewards multitasking and widespread mediocrity, with a focus on ‘good enough’. means you’ve done enough, quick, get on to the next average thing. Repeat the cycle.

I was reading somewhere that almost every public speaker has experienced the back-row syndrome. Where did we learn to seek out the anonymous middle or the other zone of the back row? Who taught us to worry about getting called on?

If you’re going to bother showing up, why not show up in the front row? It’s that  tension and focus that will help see you beyond and soon yourself in a different light.

Wondering is a lot more effective than wandering.

School pushes hard for wide, bot not deep. It puts maximum pain on us when we’re doing below the standard things we don’t love, instead of pushing us to do better in the things we can carry for lives.

Nuance is wasted on high school students. Trust me there is a better way to do. There’s better things to do than to immerse yourself in the maybes, the mights and the possibles. Things like getting out of the building and back to life.

Please don’t hesitate. Find something that matters to you and learn it. We at school here try to push the standards up. Not the usual ones but that one, which carry roots.

Days at Mount Black

I went rather late. In midst of going or not going which has become a pattern. The sun became orange and soon hid behind city buildings. I was still in metro. I took two tuk tuks and still had to walk. The air changed to worst. The smell. Blood was seen spilled. The water filled pot holed roads. I bought four chocolates for the girl and one for the boy. I reached without straying anywhere else. I arrived at a time when she was looking at herself in the mirror when she saw me from the sides of her eye. And hid herself behind the door. She was humming a song. Combing her wet hair. Looking at herself. But as she hid herself from my gaze, she was smiling, she was shying as she always did. I asked about her health. If she is studying? of course not. I met her brother. I remembered him fondly. I had filmed them both a year ago for over a week. He was the most interactive little boy facing camera confidently. I gave both of them each two dairy milk chocolates. I asked her if the Americans had given her what she had asked for? First she said no, but then acknowledged it. I didn’t ask anything more. I was only happy to see her and I didn’t want nothing else. Though i wish to see her soon again and cast her in one of my films soon.

DSC06534

The region near the black mountain always changes the workings of breath. Even as of today body felt dramatic change as it came in contact with the toxicated air. My lungs felt choked. It was poisonous, dusty again, People, living like open cattle in a bin of a space. The demon land stood just behind. Just as I have seen him, studied for all these years, but it is only now that I have taken a resolve. It is now. It starts now.

Looking forward for the fifty one days of winter.

The buffalo Doctor

Father was speaking after a long time. He sat in front of me. His eyes were kind of sad but when he spoke, they spoke of a nostalgia that had come after years of living in a city. He is a village man.

Once one of our water buffalo had fallen sick, he started narrating, “she had stopped eating. It was felt that we needed to call the veterinary immediately. He was five miles away. Being the youngest probably, I was asked to go to the village and get him along fast. I left and as soon and as fast i could, i got him on my cycle. He immediately saw her and prepared the local medicine. It was on the burner. He asked me to give buffalo the medicine once it gets back to a normal temperature. For animals there used to come funnels. One can put that in their mouth to let the liquid medicine pass. We tried to place it in her mouth but she refused and after some struggle, suddenly she gave up and fell to her right side. Now she wasn’t moving anymore.

My father ran after the doctor again who had not have gone far. He found him sitting amongst people talking. In those days there used to be strict codes of conduct. A young person was not supposed to stand towards the head of an elderly, and if he is sitting on  a cot, one was not supposed to stand towards its head either. But my father had to convey the news. He circled the group twice trying to sneak in to get his attention and when he finally got into the circle, he went near to the doctor’s ear and told him that buffalo has gone unconscious. Please come. The doctor then looking at my father’s face, calmly said, no she is not unconscious. She is dead. My father was surprised by his answer. How do you know that? The doctor said, you encircled first and then coming towards the head of the cot is simply inauspicious.

While the doctor still started walking towards the dead buffalo. He started narrating an ancient oral narrative. Probably that is how and why I remember it till now and I am narrating it to you, my father said.

In Ramayana, when Ravana got hit, and was breathing heavily. Rama asked Laksmana to go to Ravana and ask for his knowledge, as he was the greatest of brahman kings and worshipper of shiva. Laksmana went and stood towards the head of Ravana. He asked him several times but Ravana kept quiet. Lakshmana, being the avatar of ‘sheshanag’, used to get angry easily. On reaching back to Rama, Laksmana told his brother that Ravana, though on his death bed is filled with ego and arrogance. Upon asking where were you standing, Laksmana realised his mistake.

Teachers Day is also a Mother’s day

Teachers day is somehow another Mother’s Day. Because mother is our first teacher. First person who taught us love, and taught us how to everything on earth.

It was a good day at school. Children had come becoming as new as wise. They had come wearing dresses of teachers. Its fifth class’s last year at school. Children grow at a rate of moon cycle. Its a shame we don’t have enough space to add at least three more classes.

Our’s is a primary school. I was only thing that we enthuse our love, our energy and resources shaping and giving them the best of foundations but leaving school as early as VIth standard. It is hard for children to change their patterns. Who knows how much disciplined and caring the newer school be. For us, we feel to at least bring our classes till VIIIth so that you can shape those children better and further holding onto those ideas, creativity and empathy for humankind and for nation a bit longer. Every day, every year is important for a growing child, emotionally, mentally and physically. It also gives us a chance to expand ourselves in providing different kind of resources on varied subjects and open them up to the world unlike children who leave us too early.

Many a times parents had come requesting if the same can happen, if school can add only three more classes, as even for them it is a struggle to find a new school.

But to tell you the truth it has been a very hard journey for the three of us to sustain this lifestyle of work. But nevertheless, we learn to make the best that has been provided to us without questioning. We have learnt to do better. And we need to pass it on. I have been raised amongst the best teachers I could have asked for without asking. Mother grace is present.

Yet as the new world takes over, there has to come a new, better, evolved and involving way of teaching. We need leaders, Educators, writers, speakers, creators as much we need Doctors and Engineers. New things happen to children when new minds join, and for that many curious and inventory hearts are needed.

Happy Teachers Day

The great art of Sleeping

Time stops for body but the mind evolves into dimensions connecting with the ethereal while disconnecting with the physical. Isn’t this magic?

Sleep can consume all the good, bad and ugly actions. It dissolves the worst and best, highs and lows. And after all of this when mind comes back to see what is real we get another day. Another set of limited hours that can be spent any which way we want. For most, a time table is there in place already in terms of job and other engagements. And hence, get very less space to do anything else. The happening of anything new is rare. By the time noon ends; for most the day becomes similar as the hundreds of days that have already been dished out, No one in the moment believes that this breath is temporary, that this body is going to go. It doesn’t seem possible. Probably it doesn’t even cross ones mind.

What could be the solution? What is “that meaning” which everyone is looking for in life? Is there?

Well, it is certainly different for different people but there are a few things that we all can do. Just before sleeping. Only if one feels, he needs to!

  1. There will be nothing great in life, if by the time you sleep; you have digested all you ate in dinner.
  2. A minute of conscious deep breathing.
  3. Remembering our day right from the beginning from the opening of eyes. Events, incidents, outcome, what led to what, connecting a few dots, and leaving a few. And importantly putting something better for tomorrow.
  4. Yes tomorrow, it will be great if you know how your day may look tomorrow. Just try to see the night before.

Open your eyes, inwards

Dawn 7
New Delhi

The day was Tantra. But first of all what is it that you feel when you read this word?
Does it evoke complexity? Mixed emotions? Were you uncomfortable? Does the sound of it makes you uneasy? You should tell me.

I have grown knowing Tantra in two forms that came from two masters. The first one was an elderly, who poured his grace for weeks in me for all the time I could spend in his space. He talked in Sanskrit and Hindi. And he introduced me to the simpler, most basic and foundational form of Tantra. Probably because he must have grown infinitely from within simplifying aspects of life by himself.

One morning as we sat facing each other after the concluding homa, the sacred fire. He said tan is body and tra is rhythm. It is only a practise of rhythm of the body. And thus he simplified mantra and yantra. The other two forms of body sciences were prevalent since the Vedic times specific to a few tribes but were not known by this name. Mantra being rhythm of the mind and Yantra being rhythm of the tool of that particular deity. We all have our own yantras. The sanatana temples were primarily were used as a tool between body and the absolute created to awaken or heighten the awareness of the body, mind and spirit in relation to the stars and constellations. Like body is a tool for the mind.

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My second master was young and came from south. More than a master he was a friend and never expected any greetings or usual Indian norms of respect. He once said that tantra to expand and to liberate yourself to be formless.

There are such aspects of Tantra that I must take up to share with you but I shall spare a different elaborated post for it. I am sure you will not only like it but also connect with it.

Seeing children at school today was an exhilarating experience. Seeing their energy, was motivating. But as one grows, Innocence takes a toll and as life progresses eventually it gets lost in the race of competitions and expectations. Hearing all the ideas and dreams that a child sees in the future for his country above all was exhilarating. I spoke with them about the meaning of freedom. Not in the literal sense because it does not matter in that way anymore. Because Freedom is also personal and only if you find your individual self free from negative thoughts and likewise, then only you can feel the essence of true freedom.

Freedom to question and freedom to just be is slowly becoming a fight. In an extremely free world, we have closed ourselves as much. Freedom means different to different age groups, phases in people’s lives or in an organisation. It is known that who has grown has been because his ability to adapt to different situations. Increased adaptability gIves insight and gradually foresight. Hearing teachers and students was a warming experience. These kind of debates change and challenge children, to widen their periphery of perception. These kind of days prepare them and make them strong.

But coming back to tantra before I sign off. Breaths need to deepen. The use of dairy and dairy products need to be shunned unless you know the animal from which it is coming from. Dhyana or an increased meditation time should become a priority. Bathe with cold water and sit. Open your eyes, inwards.

Shubham Mangalam

Saving the Bird Man of Kashmir

I and Rasool entered the hospital minutes after winter sun arose.

Rasool had been in extreme pain ever since he fell on a river stone fracturing his wrist. It must have taken some hit being the wrist of a boatman of six decades. I remember when he had appeared after the accident; his face inflamed, eyes crowded, jammed as if all the pain had run like water to get collected there. Yet I couldn’t have assumed. Only after he had not spoken for more minutes than usual I asked what happened. He had kept working and folding the tent, at the same place where he took this film forty years ago. We had decided to turn back and strangely I couldn’t have imagined how was he working and still picking up things then.

I saw two x-rays of his left hand, each side few days later. A pigeon outside without a leg or having one sitting over chinar. Its shadows appearing on my being many feet away. There I stood looking at quiet Rasool, who seemingly had started disintegrating, slower than the pace of breath. This Chinar like numerous places in srinagar had so many barbed wires around it. All curved into one long thread of spiral sitting rusting similarly like many living bodies within in that hospital. We passed it in a hurry and caught a bus that had women sitting on every seat wearing black. It looked like they must have booked it on purpose. But no body raised an eye or sound. So we stood. Only women are carrying this city, said Rasool. He opened his old black shoulder bag and switched off his ancient radio that had started going off radar and said mujhe bhi iske saath aakhir nazar lag hee gayi and started laughing.

I will be starting a health campaign for my father like friend “Rasool”. I got to know of his extreme ill health last week. He has completely taken to bed and has been complaining of chest and abdominal pain. He told me last year once that he fears of having prostate cancer. His left hand that i tried to get fixed then got dislocated/worse after I left and demands a surgery. He is diabetic.

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Above all His bird park where he has housed and has been taking care of hundreds of birds for many years, is now feared going towards a dead stop. I and many of my friends who came over at Rasool stayed over as much because of Rasools birds but moreover because of who Ghulam Rasool is and represents. His help cannot be matched. So there is a lot of work to be done. I will need your help for it. And in however way you can, even by sharing will be some help. I hope we can save Rasool. And we can save the birds and their home.

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Vipassna in the Jungle

 

 

To tell you, I had lost this post a long time ago. Digital world has its own miracles, I don’t know how it showed up again. And now when it has. I will try to re-write it, after so many years, this experience that still lingers somewhere in my head. This experience kept becoming solid long after it passed by me. My understanding of time, physical space and eye did see a change. I couldn’t have gathered it while it was happening. Even though it became adventurous but what Vipassana said, accumulated deeper.

I wrote this on 1ST February 2007. It sure was a tender age and I will keep it the way it was then.

Well, I don’t know why and how it happens as it did yesterday evening. I wanted to write about my experience at vipassna. All about what I and udi did in last five days of our stay. Oh! No… Nights.

 

It was in a far-off village outside Delhi. There were the Aravallis, making their presence felt and slowly crowing us from all directions. When our hair started playing among selves in the village wind, when we had started smelling rice and wheat mixed with the smell of dry dung’s of buffalo and cow, We knew we were nearing the centre.
It felt great reaching there, we had passed long line of trees as if they were there to salute us. Colour green was overpowering every other colour. We were already at peace.

As we entered the compound, Udit Joshi, with a pride of an owl told me, not to even think that he will come and speak to me in the coming ten days, and so shall I do. He was the king of humour. I nodded, we won’t talk I said.

Arrival, first visuals
The place was huge and had many quarters. A huge kitchen, the main dhamma or meditation hall, wide lanes to walk. At every corner and curve of the lane there were boards telling us “to be disciplined and observe silence”, “One must walk alone”, “do not hurt any insect” along with the arrows directing us for the places we needed to go. There were big fields full of flowers, plants and trees just to see, we cannot go there, touch or lie down on earth hiding ourselves. They were the home and playground for thousands of birds that chirped all day long and thus were the only testimonial that we were still on earth.

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My room had a single bed, and one wooden chair. Walls were old. There was one thing that really fascinated me was the amount of witnessing I could see on these walls, of how depressing some people must have been. For whom the days had become unending. like in prison walls you see many vertical lines, here were ten according to the number of days that you have to spend, each vertical line denoting one day and was cut horizontally, some had written dates, some number of days in ascending order and others in descending. In the nights that came as I slept there days after days, it never felt I was in a meditational land.

There were five precpts that we were told the evening we had arrived.
Girls had a different compound but ate together.

to not speak

First five days


Well, for the first five days I was as focused in my sadhana as any of the big sadhus, saints and seekers were; who walked the same path as I did, daily. I was patient and happy. Happy in only seeing. I never counted my days to tell you even though lines of my room made me remember my days for a moment. It felt hard for the first three days, getting up at four and how, with an irritating bell first thing in the morning or for few middle of the night at four after meridian, sitting for twelve hours in a dark room, listening to a sound which seems neither music nor vocals, an unending loop of ever descending energy that seemed unending. The food was so delicious that I feel it still every time I remember it, but it was less, lesser for udit Joshi, he was trying his level best to ignore me, but in ignoring me he was simple uncomfortable. Days passed slowly, I walked a lot watching the fields, few plants I befriended, I understood the sun and its light, where its shade fell, birds so many that they were the only reason we felt on earth.

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It was January, if I haven’t told you yet. January in Delhi more so around outer part where land saw cows and bulls grazing around Aravalis. It was damn cold. And felt impossible to get up at four. But once one got up and somehow walked like a bear to the meditation hall, It turned out to be the finest hour to meditate, even though many used to start snoring, I enjoyed the magic blue coming out of darkness of that hour in that hall. The birds, fog, cold, it was all blue and humans were quiet.

five days later

Unable to bear it any longer Udit Joshi came running to my room destabilising every rule in the book, and huffing, he was fat!! How are you? Why aren’t you speaking to me? Did you know Pakistan won the test match.
That’s why they say choose your company well, I said, what! India lost. The last five days will change not just the course of Vipassna but will make me understand much more that I am today.

There were a few villagers, farmers, tractor and truck drivers who had enrolled in the course, they had started cursing themselves out loud by the fifth morning. They had imagined a feast for free, good food and sleep but neither sleep happened, food was meagre and not even allowed to speak, they could not handle the torture and found each other as company to grin and grim over their holy unholy situation. I imagine they were relieved the next day.

From that day, I and Udit started sharing our experiences, and tried understanding other seekers and their journey. Udit could not bear hunger, as food was only served once a day at 11 A.M. He used to save some food for the night and was saving every fruit or sweet that he had gotten since the first day for the night. He stole all the candles he found to light it in the night, where he and I wrote stories about days here and men whom from now onwards we are going to interview.

We were not allowed to talk, read or write, to never make any gestures, actions through eyes or hands. We were ordered to walk alone. And to walk looking down so as not to kill any ant or insect. It was too cold to get up at four and to walk in bare invisibility with heavy clothes, thick gloves and socks which I consequently wore for five days. I had no guts to challenge water at any time but I did confront it and won on the 6th day. There were times even I had slept in the morning time and I know many supported me as I could hear snoring, loud farting, one or two in every direction between four thirty to six in the morning, it was a mystery to me if the farters were eating more than we? Really it was very hard for flower like kids as we are!

The mystery of the bell beater

In the following after first I and the bell beater had grown apart from each other. I somehow started disliking him, he lived in the room next door, and used to come and wake me up even before four, beating the brass bell like in front of a buffalo until I don’t stand and open my door watching his little face amidst morning fog. I also tried to tell him to just ring it once, that will be enough, to giving a written note asking him to go wake up other remaining 22 people as they lived far and in different blocks. In following days, our eyes met and it seemd he started enjoying my irritation. It was added on when my request to bring somethings from outside went unacknowledged. I had only ordered a cloth soap.

But it wasn’t a big thing on my mind. I had just had lunch and was taking a walk along an alley when I smelt someone smoking bidi. It was unusual as we were prohibited to use any kind of intoxicant in the premises, so I went searching. A little ahead, a door was half open of a room, I slowly like a tortoise, peeped inside and behind the door, sitting on his haunches I saw the bell beater looking up hiding his smoke.
I gave him the long look, without saying, without smiling and left the scene dramatically faster than I arrived. The same guy within ten minutes came running searching for me in my room, his hands folded like I became the god; pleading for forgiveness, forgetting all the precepts set by the organisation, he spoke, “please don’t tell it to anyone”, I will never be able to work here again, please. I will do whatever you will say. I looked at him, pausing my silence for little over three seconds I said, Okay. Bring me my soap and something good to eat daily for the rest of two days. So the last three days, we called couple of people in our room and spoke for couple of hours. We half- filled two buckets with water and lighted it with three floating candles, and in the light of the winter night we spoke with the people who came to share their life experiences.



The saints we could not call home

There were people from all fields. An old monk who looked lost all the time, he looked as if he had not done any hard work in his life. And he ate like apes; he had one deep utensil in which the server (Mr. Arya) used to pour milk first, then rice, salad, then vegetables, and dal one over other with all love and compassion.
There was a boy named Sanjay. He was a professional farter and thus was named paadu by us. He was so huge that he was not comfortable even in his walk. He walked like a pendulum. He was black and his beard made him look he hasn’t washed himself ever. More so those ten days I don’t think he bothered to get wet even once. With the same shirt, pant and that unfortunate, unlucky blanket which hugged him for all 240 hours. Yes, 240 HOURS!! Probably he must have been faithful to him while attending the nature’s call as well. Oh god! He had the most horrible crown winning fart which we had to hear between four thirty to six almost every morning. I know him so well because udi used to sit right behind him. In his words “the smell was unbearable”.
Then there was a 6feet 5inches tall swamiji as people called him. He always wore white clothes and white shoes. He looked like a white soul might look, moving fast through the dense fog. He was the most serious one. I don’t remember seeing his face.
There were two foreigners as well. One was Mr. Margret Desilva, who looked like an Afghani. He had a face burnt in ice, his trimmed beard made him look trendy and stylish. He wore pathani kurtas and a round himachali cap. He had a strong built and a proud head with ever straight looking eyes. He walked like a king. I noticed him sitting in one posture for hours which was impossible for me to think. I had an urge to speak with him but one night he came near me and asked “kya aap kullu se hain”? I was amazed. “You can talk in Hindi?” I asked, not paying any heed to my question he told me that he lives in keylong, a in himachal, which has an extreme climate. He was a Brazilian. I later told him that my friend is from kullu, not me. By this time udi joined us. He told us he was researching on Buddhism for past few years and that this was his 19th time in Vipassna. As we had forgotten the world, someone came angrily and scolded us for disturbing the peace. He was living in India for past 6 years. That was the night, we never saw him again. He left that course four days earlier. I close my eyes and I remember how he sat. Like a king.

The saint we called home
The second foreigner was Yong ho cho, a South Korean. A man who was so curious to know about everything. Well, we noticed him on the second day of our discourse when we saw him jogging with his hands moving up and down like butterfly wings. He didn’t care about anyone and ran here and there, exercised each day before and after he meditated. He looked like a 25 year young boy who must have come here to know more about Buddha. He was calmest of all. and took time to answer our numerous questions. Yong was always perfect in his answers. He used to take all the time in the world while he narrated many incidents of his life. Well, I noticed him when he was sitting all alone at a place looking down. I was on my walk and as I came near I saw him watching ants walking, strolling, fighting, fucking, working. I sat near him and said “it’s so good to watch them”? It was my first sentence to him which opened the gates of our conversation for rest of the days. He always looked energetic. He sat straight for all 240 hours with focused mind and closed eyes. While on the last night when and udi secretly invited us to come to our room for candle night talks he revealed that he would be turning 50 in couple of days. We were stunned and shocked. He later told us that he never takes sugar. We talked all night even after the candle went off. He looked simple and truthful and had a zest of going to new places and learning new things. In an answer to a question that ‘what would he be doing from now as an average life of a person is 70 or 80’? He said he will not die until he turns 125.

Those 10 days proved a lot and have helped in giving me a wider vision in choosing my path. Vipassna purified my mind and made me focused towards the things I needed to do to excel. These 10 days proved metal. It made udi and I come closer as friends and as individuals.  I loved each moment with my best friend. He was the one who introduced me to vipassna.

Vipassna allowed us to rediscover ourselves. We met with every facet of each other and beyond.

 

To me as I have declared many of the questions that were asked to me from various people, that how were the experience? To me, it was hard, harsh and purifying.

 
The shortest love story


The course had ended with the last early morning meditation. Everybody seemed happy and spoke with each other. Some left early quietly, keeping their silence. We were done with our breakfast. In that year mobile phones were still expensive and unavailable at large. Udi and I stood in a line to inform our parents. Udi tried twice but couldn’t get through. I walked forward and the moment I lifted my arm to pick up the old receiver, a hand came foreword to pick the same receiver. But checking it in time, she said, I am sorry. I looked at her. She looked at me and the world went quiet, Vippasana flew in moments, the moment I said, not a problem, after you. She called, I called. Her parents were already outside, she sat on the side I stood, and in her ambassador left for ever.
 

 

Narayan Kaudinya

15th January ‘2007

 

 

 

 

 

In love with Sipna

Sipna Art Residency, was a very memorable time. Very precious days and nights amongst the oldest tribes living on the border of Madhya Pradesh and Maharashtra. Where two quiet rivers meet. Tapi and Sipna right in the centre of India.There arrived  many other artists from India and Europe carrying various skills.

The residency happened in the last 10 days of December. The days were sunny and nights damn cold. We were many together. Everyone skilled in their practises. There were painters, sculptors, Architects, local artists, farmers, Photographers, Dancers, Performers and also artists who worked with bamboo and one who worked on making murals in water.

We were living somewhere deep in the jungle of teak. Probably in some village on the other side of Melghat Tiger Reserve. The river Sipna dancing like a snake crawled through picturesque landscape cutting the old plateau. big, small naturally sculpted rocks.

There lived an old sage somewhere along the river by the jungle. I remember him because in his hut stayed a one peacocks, three peahens, a cows, a horse, a deer nearby, a shy snake as he said and a woman. All lived with the old sage. She was diseased. When i and Radha went to his hut we met the woman sitting alone on a cot. Radha spoke to her and she showed her a lump that had grown out from the insides of her inner thigh. Babaji is treating me, she said. 

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One day we went on a day’s long walk to see Sipna river meeting with the river Tapi. It was a long walk passing through beautiful hidden villages, like a pilgrimage. We walked all afternoon. Somehow it became an emotional journey for a few of us, because it was the first time I saw poverty in its most raw form. We passed through many small villages consisting of only huts. People had no clothes, nothing to wear on their feet, their homes looked like structures of dry grass, Men and women seemed to be working so hard and eating so less that my gaze kept going towards the ribs of many men whom I kept meeting working in the fields. I made an image of one amongst them for memory.

I made quiet a few so friends with whom i worked later. The river had been a quiet companion for all of us. We have seen local fishermen catching different type of fishes at different times in a day.

I am waiting for that day when i can travel back not just in time but in work to Melghat and other villages of Rural India.

Where the Children go

Among themselves they feel free. Independent yet in a boundary, vulnerable and not sure about tomorrow. Kids are those whom, while you watch them in your most baleful of moods they still make you smile. The essential human truth, pitted against modernity – is invincible. There is a child in a man wanting to go back to the womb. The shadows of a festering burden of the next crop of humans, the unclaimed, unborn, and the just born.

The Indian state perceives the child parent relationship to be a legacy of tribute to a social order, more than a right of the child. When a child is separated from his/her parent, it is not viewed as the duty of the state to provide that child with a family environment. Adoption is supervised by the state, but India does not have a long term foster care or alternate care system outside of institutionalization. A study estimates that there are about 44 million destitute children and yet only 5000 are adopted each year.

A countless number of children go missing every day in India. The category of missing children include a number of problems, run-away children or those forced to run away by family and surrounding circumstances. Children who are live in difficult or aggressive environment, trafficked or lost. Often cases are not reported to the police.

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Children who go missing may be exploited and abused for various purposes from camel jockeys in the Gulf countries to victims of organ trade and even grotesque cannibalism as reported at Nithari village in Noida. There might be many happening, who knows ! There are also a large number of children who run away from homes after dropping out of school or who face difficulties at home. They usually run away to the glamorous big cities where they fall prey to exploiters and are employed in tea stalls, brothels, beggary, etc. Most of the children come from poorer families who do not have access to police services or whose reports are not taken seriously.

It cannot be said on an average how many children go missing every year in India. Some reports suggested that it was around 44,500 per annum and another published in an english daily said 10 lac. So, actually no body knows. But it is sure that a child will go missing in our country in ever eight minutes. And it is on the rise, also in untraced cases. The report states that children are often kidnapped or trafficked for prostitution, organ donations, employment, and in rare cases for sacrifice.

“Where the childen go” is a long term personal photographic-interview based project that i started working on in 2011, under the name of “Home and the Sky”-It was then funded by the NAZ foundation. I travelled for two months in three Indian states where the average number of orphans were high, amongst many getting infected by HIV+.

Somehow it was always at the back of my mind, also because i am around children at my school whenever i am home or even otherwise when you see children wandering, roaming on the streets playing, begging, collecting garbage. I realized that i should take it up again now, work harder towards bringing some sane-ness, and try to find some footings if nothing, at least it will make people around me aware through my work, my involvement.

I feel we have to be considerate towards these children who are bereft of all the comfort that we got while growing up in our early unconcious years. Its a hard life and we all should try to make each life better for a loving society and earth.

 

In 2014, Where the children go was published in PRIVATE MAGAZINE as Home, Sky

The Last Resort

Atul and I met in 2010 while filling our bikes at a petrol pump outside Leh. It would be easy for me to say that he gave me magic. A magic that built dreams. I lived in that dream, a few of us. We witnessed it together. A year after I met Atul.

It was Teach to Learn for his organization Karmabhoomi

This year in July we had gone for an Omni journey to Hanley. We pulled over at Leh for a few days. We were meeting Bhai, Atul.

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One lazy, cold, leh morning when Atul me to come along for a visit at his dream resort. It was called The Last resort

I had visited this place before years ago. When it was unknown. Like Reaching a measure, or when becoming a process of leaving. It was a place that makes you only. I now remember looking at horses that kept crossing the homeless river. There was a bell inside a Buddhist temple, which kept feeding a language to the wind. Later we went walking towards the unseen empty roads adorned by fields of sea buckthorn and leafless apricot trees. I was happy to imagine that i was there. Atul was there with me even then but I could not imagine that he was imagining keeping his happiness’s intact for an age to come.

A farm stretched in the highest land like lines of a lonely poem. Alongside a legendary river that let’s you stand in her stream while you roam like these helpless little tributaries, wandering inside you, till many horses appear again and you move away. You see the wind again, through the leaves on every tree bending towards a side. That night we saw how many lights have multiplied in the city of Leh since we saw it the first time almost a decade ago. There were two helicopters flickering over the city for many minutes soundlessly. It was like looking at a giant television thirty kilometers far from Leh, yet we could still see Leh from here.

So, if you plan to come over here, you know now where you will find your playground where the horses roam. In the lap of river Indus.

A Cactus in the Desert

 

Photograph of a lost memory in flaring heat of Jaisalmer –  It is hot in Barmer. It is so hot that my lower portion feels different and apart from my head. My right cheek has swelled. Ulcers recognized heat. I am staying with amma here, a Bhopa. Last night we decided to attend Pabu ki phad. Happens rarely now. A local god. Reincarnation of Laksman. Bhopas sing and dance for Pabu. For two nights Bhopas from all across the region have come to sing and dance reciting Pabu’s story.

Anada Ram was the most prolific Ravanhatta musician, who died 33 years ago. His wife, Amma vowed to never sing after that day. I am here to document her son. He never learnt Ravanhatta. He wanted to be a dancer. I have known him for eight months now. There were many other dancers from the community who had come yesterday. Veer was going to show me one of his acts dancing on the mirror glass with fire in his mouth. He does not dance in the community. He is ashamed. I was awed last night. So were six hundred people. He got cut but still kept dancing.

When he came down he couldn’t walk. I, his nephew and him got on to a bike and rode forty kilometres to a hospital on the outskirts of Barmer. We got veeru to the emergency ward where he is being treated. As i wandered the allays of the hospital i saw a young guy with his chest crushed sitting like he is stung. I rushed out of hospital and kept waiting for Veeru till he came.

The Wedding Song

In her wedding dress that one day she stopped counting years

 

I met J uncle on a very cold january morning this year. It was raining and we stood outside an empty swimming pool. His room – 705, is just beneath my room – 805, where i am writing this.

J uncle had his own quiet world till he met my sister. My sister, Ruspsi is a kathak dancer(banaras gharana). J uncle would not know about it for a month till one day they meet in the elevator, she moved and her ghungroo rolled from her bag.

J uncle and his lovely wife had come from Banaras. In a quest to live with their son, they sold their house. They used to sing all morning there, he told me.

He disliked it here. Everything. But he never spoke about it. He was just visibly sad. In his walk, thats how mostly i saw of him. A singer coming from a gharana who doesn’t sing anymore. In the meantime J uncle grew fond of my sister and attended one of her performances in Delhi. That day I imagine he was the most happiest person present in the auditorium.

In many evenings that i spent in Delhi, we met, went on walks together, always in a circle crossing the empty swimming pool. We somehow never spoke when we crossed that swimming pool. Now Rati, my sister would be getting married in a month.

One morning he called me downstairs at his place. He sat amongst 100s of old cassettes laid out on his bed. Looking at me, he said. 34 years ago i composed a song for my niece’s wedding. Would you please play it for Rupsi when Jaimal happens ! And it was played when Jaimaal happened. I am posting it for readers to hear what he composed, back in the time when he lived in Varanasi.

This also came at a time when I had only recently started working on my ambitious project of documenting Rural Weddings in India. The above image is of my friend Amita’s wedding in Chhattisgarh. The Project is still a work in development. 

In Omni to Hanley

Starless night
winter
Old Donkey
barking
at the new comer

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To zojila, to Leh, to Hanle, to tso moreri, to i don’t know what pass that came after hundred’s of horses ran to take left, we took towards sky- a concrete river bed on top of a conical mountain which went all afternoon. Many called it a road. Through a broken bridge, through the ditches connecting another ditch on the Yoga day. While laughing at others. While laughing atourselves. While stopping before every loop to the mountain up. The dancing carrier. The nostalgia of the petrol fumes over six days. As every bicycle left us behind. Our omni made it across the Rohtang. But always carry two people to push it through. We needed many only once.

On the road with Omni | July 15.

Jaimaal – The Wedding Song

An image of my parents wedding in 1982

I met J uncle on a rainy very cold january morning this year, near an empty swimming pool. His room – 705, is just beneath my room – 805, where i am writing this.

J uncle had his own quiet world till he met my sister. My sister, she is a kathak dancer(banaras gharana). J uncle would not know about it for a month till one day they meet in the elevator, she moved and her ghungroo rolled from her bag.

J uncle and his lovely wife had come from Banaras. In a quest to live with their son, they sold their house. They used to sing all morning there, he told me.

He disliked it here. Everything. But he never spoke about it. He was just visibly sad. In his walk, thats how mostly i saw of him. A singer coming from a gharana who doesn’t sing anymore. In the meantime J uncle grew fond of my sister and attended one of her performances in Delhi. That day I imagine he was the most happiest person present in the auditorium.

In many evenings that i spent in Delhi, we met, went on walks together, always in a circle crossing the empty swimming pool. We somehow never spoke when we crossed that swimming pool. Now Rati, my sister would be getting married in a month.

One morning he called me downstairs at his place. He sat amongst 100s of old cassettes laid out on his bed. Looking at me, he said. 34 years ago i composed a song for my niece’s wedding. Would you please play it for rati when Jaimal happens !

A Brief History of Time and Walking in the Ancient City of Varanasi

All say i have gone on my mother, slanting slope with a dead end like nose, high cheekbones, eyes watching from a socket, paler complexion. Today when i lied beside her listening, i saw a few lines sketched around her lips, tight forehead, intense she looked, and looked old. I leave for Kashmir the day after for a month and wanted to post this write-up which i wrote six months ago on the ghats of Benaras. I am drunk tonight.

Holi city, indeed

Crowded by boredom
Of new and the old

Japanese is written on the walls,
Telugu, Gujrati, Hindi, Marwari
and deity of the falling doll,

Walls are tall as lanes are narrow
concluding steps
Going towards the flow
Ganga looks like one today
The sun is shining on the polluted dark
A bark flows with the river,
with a free body,
swelled liked a shapeless balloon
Him, crows are murdering more.
But the noon is calmer here,
they say, river trudges up from there

background chantings and prayers from sound systems
Steps are wet
Far, wrestlers sit in a symmetry, having roxy.
I saw young pundits mildly head banging seen from drone
some on an item-number
we all have one phone
A game of ludo at its best
Like a test
Last ball six
Googly in cricket
like life in general, said Swaroop

Variety of Professions are in bloom, life seems easy here,
in no hurry.
A hefty young man upside down on the sand banks,
far, on the other side of the river, an aghora.
Varanasi seems to be involving evolving
people are equipped with technology
There is growth on the faces of Brahmins

We loitered
Passed many Ghats
Watched many, they staring into,
with just one eye open,
making imagery
Gazing at the rays which twinkled
As we made some angles
Listening to different sounds
And slopping at many a stairs
More seclusion at night
With each shadows fading in yellow and emerging new from the lampposts
Lots of boats, almost alike
A distant bell or two, many Ringing
And life shifting at the back

Men, just them
Smell in the air
Yellow, deadly, conveying unknown, un-interpreted, uninterested
Left, light, fire
More ones burning,
Men still standing,
Some gazing
Tear-eyed,
Unaware, un touched
Some afraid, naïve
Some fearing,
Some transforming
Some silent, some quiet
Ashes on my hand
On my pen, in front
The heavy air, settling here and there
Tonnes of wood
My heart is watching,
I am numb
I see where the flames stop,
who says air can’t be seen,
waving, blurring
Seven working on bodies
Eighth is getting ready

Some seem unaware of their fate. Doing what they have to, even what new can they do? But is it also true that they don’t fear death anymore or have they fallen to numbness like I have. Unaware of now, I see for the first time as they burn, from a height, where I could see all, everyone like a bird. A lot more wood, a lot more bodies, and stillness in liveliness. I think about the documentary ‘children of pyre’ which i have not seen but heard. I see much yellow than any other color on faces, on whites. Sky is growing blue. Its evening. Dark of the shadows is seen on the high walls behind Dashashwamaedha. Houses, walls have darkened from the flames. So many pyres have burnt over the years and decades. Unaccounted trees. I see a lady combing her wet hair, over the flames on the third floor, on second two men have tea. They are not too far, but I can see their smiling lips. And as the woman above overlooks the burning pyres acknowledging Ganga. I imagine, who resides in those houses ?

Written on 24.02.2011

Here is an old Hindu map of Varanasi.

Varanasi- the name comes from the two rivets Varah and assi becoming Varanasi.

It is depicted as standing on the trident of Shiva with the active energy of the ajna Chakra where the two nasal points ida and pingala meet just like the two rivers.

At the center of Varanasi is Gyanvapi.

Such is the importance of Gyanvapi in Hindu civilization.

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Thank you.

If today is the first time you have arrived on The Road to Nara, you are heartily welcome ~ Namaste

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I will take this opportunity to introduce you to About me and importantly,

As a co-traveller, share my Ten Lessons I learnt from several years on the road, before you coarse on your own Road to Nara.

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