Month: January 2019


A crane arrived and coaxed the cow kids to lick her feathers. Later Kali stepped on maharaj and he started talking to Gayatri. Evening arrived. Pushpendra smiled from behind the lotus flowers out of pain that could be felt. It was Thursday. Number 9. We are half past one. Four days to go. It is going to be intense. Somwati ekadashi is coming. A photo book. And later a film happened in Germany.


Slowly I have started smelling like fire. There is nothing more to feel one with the divine than this. Ash is all over my head, my clothes, my legs are bereft of a sole. Pouring Ice water every morning on head now seems a ritual. And fire a family. Is it because of these squirrels that i have started listening to. Or that bird in the morning quietness who comes sits by my bed in the darkness of the dawn. Something will change. It is asking something and saying something i cannot hear. Hear hear. Close your eyes.

The milk was tasty. And before I could taste it papaya came for the first time. I could only touch one but Logar came smiling and we shared mangla’s love again. I closed the dhuni myself today when Maharaj retired after keeping the planets outside out of rat fear. We called different gods at sunset and went outside the mountain premises for the first time to buy rabbits for Gayatri. I met Manavendra and his horse called gambler over Thornhill. All together we went to a home of a woman whose face I forgot as soon as I met her and kept looking only at her nose pin. She told me my caste and asked me to slow down. At that time I saw s man going away in the night towards the darkness in the fields. Dhuni was alive and fire was burning out of it. I went to sleep again but Morning came just then. Maharaj opened his eyes and said those three feathers on the table are of a swan, eagle and …

Sleep felt like sleeplessness. The sun was about to come when we began the fire today. Tarot was interesting today but I don’t remember if any concretization happened today as was predicted. We decorated the nine planets but birds, squirrels and more birds made it their personal food plates. We kept restoring it almost all day. I drew the yantra with saffron colour on the paper of the last tree of the mountains. It came out bad. Late noon we trekked to the temple to find cactuses and missing the white bulbs. We sat there long and looked at ourselves humming the sound of the universe. I took three white marbles and placed them such they turned holy. In the sky a rocket left a line of shooting stars. It bisected the wires over a field which had no lake but possessed it’s name. Hear well. And stop having sweet sweetie. It’s time.

Passing over the night

It was a day of hardest work. Hardest work is to love. While love being not what you are seeking. Train passes from not so far like it’s in a hurry. Trains are always in a hurry unless you are sitting in one of them. Indian Railways. It was dark when I got up. I didn’t see any dream may be because my head is towards the mother and feet towards the tree. We made nine planets today and filled them first with numbers and later with rice and rawa. We couldn’t finish it as squirrels started eating the rice. A young mataji came with a beautiful girl from a city. She ate peanuts and soon went to sleep in the library. Maharaj came with milk that we shared and logar got a mobile. And the drums were not beaten for the first time tonight.


So it is Logar who starts beating the drum every night. But for sometime. May be he does it for mangla. Or may be to heat himself up. It is cold. There is wind. Neem tree under which we sleep made noise all night. The morning arrived before us even for me. It is never too hard to bathe with cold water, I have examined it several times like past two days. Next nine days and may be one more some magic is planned. When sun arrived we went in the field and started filling mud. We first put it in a copper plate and placed over it a snake near quartz and twelve other stones in the direction of the water. Maharaj went to the temple on the mountain. I and the guy whose dream is to mine a mountain started putting the clay like the nine planets roam. Even though energy is needed to pour in them vital breath but we shall see tomorrow when maharaj will wake up. Later we went around …