Year: 2018

The dip

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Sometimes one dip changes your smile and temperature. It takes you then to places that can only be created in dreams through memories ofcourse. You walk long looking at forms, colours, patterns, walls, speculating age, sounds of children and cows, of burning dead trees and water ripples, hearing bodies visually and later language. Sometimes a small reaction changes the whole tail of events. Sometimes the start was the only end. But the dip is important. Because that is a window to nature. And nature is inside.

I will let the story find me

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Left my red bed today. Made coffee for the other two. For myself I had cashews, raisins, walnuts four each, early in the morning. I first thought to go cycling but today it seemed well to sit and better prepare for the upcoming challenge. I washed myself fast and shaved in harmony. I was ready in time. I cut all the fruits and ate. Got to the new hotel where the workshop-residency will be taking place. I got the first room by the pool. Didn’t want to stay that much upfront but it saved so much time that i can only feel blessed. I was saved from so much small and big talk, distractions that might have triggered further distractions. But all in all It was a privilege to come this far, meeting people who have been working in their preferred sense, in person sharing and making a world feel one and together again. It is rare for artists to come together and see each others work and ethics. And more so when, here in …

Love is everywhere

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Cambodia has started to settle inside. It is hot. But Its winters here. Its Busy and Open. Moving slowly. Women from various countries as diverse as nature is are seen Smiling, enjoying. Much like Indian, Cambodians have a strong family sense. Rafa, was the first person i met on this fellowship. He was also the first person to arrive in Cambodia. Second became I. He is a good man. As we sat talking with each other the first day after meeting he opened up like he cannot hide. Tears coming down from eyes. He told me he is divorced. And is a father of a young girl, Maya. We bonded most beautifully and talked about photography and the history of Angkor workshops and things to be seen around about in Cambodia. I met a woman cycling, and found each other cycling to the river together. She is going through her divorce too. After documenting all day i got to a bar where i found a ping pong table. Ben with whom I played yesterday sat …

First Flight to Bangkok

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We are a few minutes away from entering into December. Most things if asked from the deepest alleys of transparent, unadulterated desires have a thing of becoming real. There is nothing more truer that that truth. You wouldn’t know it might be sneaking up on you. For me it took a few years, an slow ascending process that by the end bore memories for lifetime. I am sitting in the big plane tonight. I am flying out of my country for the first time. Previously i only crossed them over by land. It should be special. Should it be special? Well, the process seems similar, of flying, of seeing people. Even though it took some time also because it couldn’t have been any other way. Currency’s exchanged. Dark chocolate bought. Immigration guy made a krow(krowdinya) out of my surname that which I could only smirk at. I don’t know why he was after surname. His only questions to me on the immigration desk was about the origin and history of my surname. I do not know if …

In the land of Snakes

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Twenty six days ago and three hundred fifty kilometers north I Moon I reached Aldona late in the night. It was Purnima, the full moon of Holi. Vishwan was away, gone to a border village, tsar. A place somewhere in the middle of the jungle at the border of Goa and Maharashtra. But I had no idea of that then, I was waiting. I sat downstairs at the bar. Grandmother was pouring feny to a local. She told me about Vishwan smoking too much. The room was lit with two cyan bulbs. He arrived. We kept my backpack at his place. He lit his cigarette. We sat. His hair had grown and white; beard thickened and black. Soon, we were off, feeling the dense wind of the leaving winter, scooting through the western ghats in the night going towards the moon. We entered the fair. Vishwan parked the vehicle somewhere outside and we started walking away from the lights towards the jungle. It was late. But it wasn’t dark. The night seemed to have dissolved with …

For a better Life

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As someone pointed out; convinience trumps privacy. Morality and good judgement for too many of us- the internet has made things faster, and faster has become the point. But whatever place you’re going, at breakneck speed, the one that requires shortcuts, hustle and compromises. What will happen when you get there?

Pattern

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Here In north India if women had left dishes overnight to wash them tomorrow; then elderly women used to say that the dishes will now go to bathe in the Ganges. It has a metaphorical meaning if you apply it to human day to day life. What you set out for today, has to be finished today else killing time kills more time. Don’t turn it into a pattern.  

The measure of happiness

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In one of my travels a sage asked me, what is the measure of happiness? I tried guessing but I wasn’t close ? Measure? I could only ask back if it can be measured. As I softly asked him to please stop smiling, and enlighten me. He took his time. And said the true measure of happiness is the average sum of sunrises and sunsets a man sees divided by the days of life. Sometimes it feels inappropriate but it is kind of apt.

Breathe deep, and Run

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Sometimes from somewhere a may be comes. Now may be is a hope. It is told to you that if you can run till a point you might catch what you are seeking. The time is limited. You have no idea of the way. Your resolve at first will be far from achieving it. But in the now you start running. But you realize that light has started getting darker. The steps are uneven. Some slopes. Could be up could be down. Some roses with thorns of autumn. Some puzzles to make the way interesting. If you then just gain that rhythm of not merely running but enjoying the performance of just being. Of seeing hindrances as a way of getting better, stronger. Using your body and mind as a tool. That when you will even reach. And if there will be no one to clap. The rewards regardless, are going to be so multiple from all the oxytocin that you created with your thoughts, with your lungs. That whole space will start treating you …

My house on a Mountain

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Its night. Tonight I am the only person left on this hill. From my hut the jungle starts.  I live in the farthest hut amongst three. The third one. It’s partially pink and other room is wood. The room is a closed wooden balcony. Surely a bear might not be able to break the door and come. I heard in the noon a news flying about two somebody seeing two bear cubs nearby. The wooden room has a pillow swing, but it doesn’t swing. Finally the Israelis left today after living by themselves here for 6 summer months. The nights are getting colder cold. We are almost past autumn. Today was sunny. Some men have been slowly slaughtering trees for past few days. I hear their machine daily. Pluto arrived with potata, she is a beautiful mountain dog. Follows Pluto like a shadow. She gave birth to nine pups last week. Later I and Pluto walked along to the thukpa shop. I ordered momos too. Thukpa was water with 10 indian chic peas and noodles …

An Unending Cycle

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A trigger prompts a cycle. And that cycle might go on longer than it should. The first spoonful of ice cream can trigger a cycle of binge eating that you regret later. The silence of walking into an empty house might trigger you to turn on the TV, and that cycle of wasting time watching nothing that matters goes on all night. The rush to get out the door leads to a cycle of rushing, which makes your commute a daredevil exercise, one that takes hours to recover from. It’s really useful to see your cycles and to work to dampen them (it’s almost impossible to go cold turkey). Even better is to find and eliminate the triggers. That’s surprisingly easy if you care enough. Quit Twitter. Empty your freezer. Wake up ten minutes earlier… Make these decisions when you’re not in the middle of a cycle. With the trigger gone, you might discover the cycles are gone too.

A Digital mind

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The world has long gone past finding comfort for humans. Comfort seems secondary. They might only say it has only started. Facebook and Google will leave no stone unturned to get even the last human trying to hide in his cave to get connected with the world. The momentum of the world trade and news constantly travelling is like making too much noise standing. Iam certain now that the race is not to find god but to become formless while living. One can argue, we are our own god and only us can stop ourselves from doing or not doing. In doing they might have exceeded their own expectations but every achievement is not the end of the story. The story keeps becoming. It is neverending. It merely adds another layer of truth, another variation of the result. How ever much our minds become digital, we are still a long way to forget our mothers.

Schools ruining the foundational roots of learning

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We spent almost 15 years being brainwashed on learning things that have nothing to do majorly with our present mind space. And we keep paying the price. It is proven that the most dangerous habits of all come from high school. Because if you are not willing to explore and experience, you are not willing to learn. Traditional schooling rewards multitasking and widespread mediocrity, with a focus on ‘good enough’. means you’ve done enough, quick, get on to the next average thing. Repeat the cycle. I was reading somewhere that almost every public speaker has experienced the back-row syndrome. Where did we learn to seek out the anonymous middle or the other zone of the back row? Who taught us to worry about getting called on? If you’re going to bother showing up, why not show up in the front row? It’s that  tension and focus that will help see you beyond and soon yourself in a different light. Wondering is a lot more effective than wandering. School pushes hard for wide, bot not deep. It …

Days at Mount Black

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I went rather late. In midst of going or not going which has become a pattern. The sun became orange and soon hid behind city buildings. I was still in metro. I took two tuk tuks and still had to walk. The air changed to worst. The smell. Blood was seen spilled. The water filled pot holed roads. I bought four chocolates for the girl and one for the boy. I reached without straying anywhere else. I arrived at a time when she was looking at herself in the mirror when she saw me from the sides of her eye. And hid herself behind the door. She was humming a song. Combing her wet hair. Looking at herself. But as she hid herself from my gaze, she was smiling, she was shying as she always did. I asked about her health. If she is studying? of course not. I met her brother. I remembered him fondly. I had filmed them both a year ago for over a week. He was the most interactive little boy …

The buffalo Doctor

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Father was speaking after a long time. He sat in front of me. His eyes were kind of sad but when he spoke, they spoke of a nostalgia that had come after years of living in a city. He is a village man. Once one of our water buffalo had fallen sick, he started narrating, “she had stopped eating. It was felt that we needed to call the veterinary immediately. He was five miles away. Being the youngest probably, I was asked to go to the village and get him along fast. I left and as soon and as fast i could, i got him on my cycle. He immediately saw her and prepared the local medicine. It was on the burner. He asked me to give buffalo the medicine once it gets back to a normal temperature. For animals there used to come funnels. One can put that in their mouth to let the liquid medicine pass. We tried to place it in her mouth but she refused and after some struggle, suddenly she …

Teachers Day is also a Mother’s day

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Teachers day is somehow another Mother’s Day. Because mother is our first teacher. First person who taught us love, and taught us how to everything on earth. It was a good day at school. Children had come becoming as new as wise. They had come wearing dresses of teachers. Its fifth class’s last year at school. Children grow at a rate of moon cycle. Its a shame we don’t have enough space to add at least three more classes. Our’s is a primary school. I was only thing that we enthuse our love, our energy and resources shaping and giving them the best of foundations but leaving school as early as VIth standard. It is hard for children to change their patterns. Who knows how much disciplined and caring the newer school be. For us, we feel to at least bring our classes till VIIIth so that you can shape those children better and further holding onto those ideas, creativity and empathy for humankind and for nation a bit longer. Every day, every year is …

The great art of Sleeping

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Time stops for body but the mind evolves into dimensions connecting with the ethereal while disconnecting with the physical. Isn’t this magic? Sleep can consume all the good, bad and ugly actions. It dissolves the worst and best, highs and lows. And after all of this when mind comes back to see what is real we get another day. Another set of limited hours that can be spent any which way we want. For most, a time table is there in place already in terms of job and other engagements. And hence, get very less space to do anything else. The happening of anything new is rare. By the time noon ends; for most the day becomes similar as the hundreds of days that have already been dished out, No one in the moment believes that this breath is temporary, that this body is going to go. It doesn’t seem possible. Probably it doesn’t even cross ones mind. What could be the solution? What is “that meaning” which everyone is looking for in life? Is …

Open your eyes, inwards

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Dawn 7 New Delhi The day was Tantra. But first of all what is it that you feel when you read this word? Does it evoke complexity? Mixed emotions? Were you uncomfortable? Does the sound of it makes you uneasy? You should tell me. I have grown knowing Tantra in two forms that came from two masters. The first one was an elderly, who poured his grace for weeks in me for all the time I could spend in his space. He talked in Sanskrit and Hindi. And he introduced me to the simpler, most basic and foundational form of Tantra. Probably because he must have grown infinitely from within simplifying aspects of life by himself. One morning as we sat facing each other after the concluding homa, the sacred fire. He said tan is body and tra is rhythm. It is only a practise of rhythm of the body. And thus he simplified mantra and yantra. The other two forms of body sciences were prevalent since the Vedic times specific to a few tribes but were not …

Saving the Bird Man of Kashmir

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I and Rasool entered the hospital minutes after winter sun arose. Rasool had been in extreme pain ever since he fell on a river stone fracturing his wrist. It must have taken some hit being the wrist of a boatman of six decades. I remember when he had appeared after the accident; his face inflamed, eyes crowded, jammed as if all the pain had run like water to get collected there. Yet I couldn’t have assumed. Only after he had not spoken for more minutes than usual I asked what happened. He had kept working and folding the tent, at the same place where he took this film forty years ago. We had decided to turn back and strangely I couldn’t have imagined how was he working and still picking up things then. I saw two x-rays of his left hand, each side few days later. A pigeon outside without a leg or having one sitting over chinar. Its shadows appearing on my being many feet away. There I stood looking at quiet Rasool, who …

Vipassna in the Jungle

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    To tell you, I had lost this post a long time ago. Digital world has its own miracles, I don’t know how it showed up again. And now when it has. I will try to re-write it, after so many years, this experience that still lingers somewhere in my head. This experience kept becoming solid long after it passed by me. My understanding of time, physical space and eye did see a change. I couldn’t have gathered it while it was happening. Even though it became adventurous but what Vipassana said, accumulated deeper. I wrote this on 1ST February 2007. It sure was a tender age and I will keep it the way it was then. Well, I don’t know why and how it happens as it did yesterday evening. I wanted to write about my experience at vipassna. All about what I and udi did in last five days of our stay. Oh! No… Nights.   It was in a far-off village outside Delhi. There were the Aravallis, making their presence felt …