It rains as i write this, mad heart, be brave.
Continuation from Call of the Now and Life and Nothing More, for the Great Himalayan Teachers Reunion.
After the longest day on the road, rewinding the moments from behind the steering wheel I for a moment realised how life is so much like driving! And driving a car is not so much different from driving a body, as a medium, tool to achieve our means. If we know where we have to go then even without using any GPS or stopping many a times to ask we reach our destination, straight and fast without taking any extra time. Like knowing what to do in life; how to do it, which road to take, when to put brakes, when to accelerate or overtake from a slow moving vehicle aka friends; a road will tell you. When to give body or car a rest, a refreshing wash are some similarities that feel like life and can even show a larger picture if one tries to see from above. To not ever get stuck, and even if one does- to ask for help because if you know where your home is it will then never matter how long a red light will take to go green or how many speed breakers come, nothing will really matter because you know this is the way.
Trust, the road will tell you.
Yes, one thing is that every car comes with a manual unlike a body and hence unless we cross over, expand what we think our strengths are, we will never be able to know what our real limitations can be. For as body is not really a car, it can be worked hard with, it can be moulded, it can be updated to its best version inside out, it can be pushed to the edge, but not Omni. And after all it can be tuned to learn and understand the intricate ways of nature. Yet after a certain time, not all bodies like all cars can run on bad roads, or even cross puddles or through engine drowning water. May be Omni still can because it is not just a car but a saint amongst cars. It is lean like a yogi’s body, it can carry as much weight as you can load, and give how much ever speed you want to give it, and it still will go at its own pace.
As the sun that day sat quietly leaving behind his magic light like amber over a mountain, we started driving towards Srinagar, Kashmir.
It was not so late in the evening when we had started but it had gotten strangely dark. And Darker it felt due to the density of trees, as the wind seemed to carry all forest within it. The more we saw, even more we heard, that dusk had fallen out of the mouths of night insects. There was no light on the road, and even no body. We drove slowly without any windows, enjoying the breeze, the sound of the crickets that was coming like shamans far and buzzing just outside our eardrums like thousand temple bells at once. As we moved consciously drinking this magic, looking locking this forever, a man walked right upto the front of the car; started beating the bonnet, the front window, forcing us to stop, his eyes red with blood looking straight in mine and Yagya’s and kept yelling out this one three word line, “who am i.. Who am I .. who am I .. who am I .. who am I .. main kaun hun.. main kaun hun.. who am i… and he kept screaming like a tape recorder gone wrong, repeating it ceaselessly, not to actually know or hear anyone say it for him or get any answer back but he just held the bonnet of the car, we tried moving past him but he was not letting the car go.
It was Yagya who was driving and it made him mad; Kiran his wife at the back was out of breath for a moment as it was unexplainable what was going on. It suddenly felt like a bad trip. On a mountain road in the middle of a forest with no soul or light to show us the way, this person was literally trying to come under the vehicle, Yagya tried to deceive him, stopping, tried speeding up from the sides but he was glued right up to the engine screaming the only line, who am i.. who am i.. who am i..
Something like this can only happen when you have at last fallen, demoted from the life of reason, logic and seeking. When there is no ground to stand upon anymore, rather you are continuously falling, in a bottomless pit. Suddenly Yagya stopped the car, asked me to come to the driving seat. He went out and tried forcefully pushing him away, i tried going ahead but he resisted making it a point to not let the car go while yelling out loud. Yagya after pulling him to one side, tried pushing him away telling me to run, run, run, but the guy caught hold of Yagya’s ankle as he sat on the back seat and caught the door with other hand. The door could not be closed as I tried speeding up but he did not leave, his legs were almost half in the air for a few seconds. I had to stop again, Yagya got down, held his hand and started walking in front of the car this time like pulling a calf, I was driving, focused and ready to run away the moment we can but there was no way, the man really wanted either to get hit or wanted to come under the vehicle, he was really, helplessly gone mad. It went on for 7-10 minutes may be more when we saw few men standing around a dimly lit shop. I stopped the car there and got down to help Yagya get away from him when I asked those people to help us. “O, he is mad, he is just like this. He tries to stop each car and says the same thing over and over, its been many months now he roams here only. Who is he? I asked the guy as other men got hold of him, he told me that this guy used to be very angry, used to drink a lot and beat people up on this road only, few months ago during a procession of a local deity, he kicked the deity and the drummer that walked in front of it, and threw the drum from the mountain, since that day he is out, god knows what he eats, where he goes, please you can go from here.
We left hurriedly thanking the people, but this incident took me by surprise, and got itched in my memory, and more so the consequence of what can happen if you treat others with contempt and hatred, for him it must be his ego, his anger that took him away from life. It is uncalled for, taking pride by belittling others. We left that place immediately for our journey forward as the road was long, and i in no way wanted Rasool to wait for another day.
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