Letters to self, The Capital
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New Beginnings


Yesterday father retired from his services after serving the government for thirty five years. He had organized a party which came out to be as good as if its someone’s wedding. For me It has not only been a teaching but it has been overwhelmingly inspiring to experience his intensity. And in later years how to start preparing your mind and executing various aspects of it efficiently. As efficiency is directly proportional to mind. The speed and clarity with which we could see his effortless involvement in all matters life showed his evolution. The last ten years had been the hardest of all, as he said during his speech. Travelling for over 50 kilometers in the early hours across Delhi is not cool by any standards; more so when you live only to teach. One’s mind has to be preserved of such log and ardous travels to take care of the biggest government school of delhi with a whopping numbers of students studying, approx.. 2300. Yet whatever came his way, he transformed it and passed through hard times almost patiently with determination.

Last one week has been such, I couldn’t set my mind to do anything. Moreover As I had anticipated, in anxiety and other things, nothing happened.  It feels such a waste of energy , time and putting beautiful relationships to hard times. It was not right. It is never right. The girl family did not arrive, which my father was so sure about.

Past week took a toll on mind and time, diverting in some unrelated activities. I couldn’t finish the draft of The Capital. Yet I kept noting down and imagining how characters can unfold.

I and chatterjee decided to meet at 5 in the morning. Retirement party wrapped up by 1230 and I could only sleep as early by 0130. I slept deep and woke up by myself around 0440. Waking up for The Capital was like finally the journey is starting today. But it did not take off until 9. Chatterjee couldn’t get up on time. It was last day of the chatt. He arrived when every women must have gone back home. I took bath and went to the gym instead. It felt good because there was no one apart from one unknown person and another man whom I like.

It went well beside looking at the watch and wishing for a sleeping person to get up. Delhi had been under a smoke siege and I wanted to get every possible image I could. When Chatterjee arrived I tried to be as natural as I could, suppressing the feeling of morning light loss and helplessness. I had thought of shooting women performing rituals. When we arrived at Bhalaswa, the labourers were folding the pink tents. The man was walking standing on the tallest iron stairs as extended legs.

Any habitable land on earth cannot be more toxic, visibly dark and polluted than what we are experiencing. While taking a shot I had asked chatterjee to go down to the sugarcane field and shoot walking through the field which was covered in dust and smog carpeted over the colony houses in the distance. Chatterjee stepped down and the first step that he placed on the land gave way to the muddy black water and he kept going down till he pulled himself out of it. My hand was on my mouth but I could stop laughing after it was all over. It was the second consecutive time his shoes have drowned in the filthiest of water on the first day of both the shoots. But  Over all the first day went slowly and happily. We were able to create few possibilities, and one which can completely change the way you look at the imagery of the Capital. If in the following month we are able to pull that off, it will take us and the film or Delhi to newer realms.

End of first day. Very tired.
2210 hours. 3.11.19

This entry was posted in: Letters to self, The Capital


Hi, I am Narayan Kaudinya. And i welcome you on this journey, the Road to Nara ! I am an Ethnographer and a practicing Indologist. I did my masters in History and further learnt Sanskrit, Yoga and Nerve-therapy. At 24, pushing most academic sounding, office sitting works away, i felt compelled to know and understand the world and my country, Bharat/India. I travelled, and as it happened i took up teaching in Kashmir and further up in the remote villages of Baltistan in the foothills of Karakoram Ranges. For around three years and many states later there came a time when i felt that it was only while teaching i learnt how to laugh, to see, feel, breathe, love and cry -with children, and mostly resource-less parents in the harshest-freezing border conditions. I write, and work as a documentary photographer and Filmmaker, with numerous published, exhibited and some awarded stories. In my travels and life i have let nature lead me, the divine mother, and as a Yogin, my resolve here is to share my experiences and thoughts as honestly, and through them to blossom in everyone the power and possibility in pursuing your breath, that you seek your true nature with courage and curiosity. Here, on this road i will share my spirit, my love for nature, the elements of life that are us. And in doing so, i'll be happy to see you along.

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