Not publishing for nearly six months was not planned. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Also not supposed to be was my dear elder brother’s untimely, unfortunate death on 14th September last year. Four days before my birthday, and four weeks earlier, his. But who knew even from here things were only going to get worse.
Two weeks later another cousin brother died after prolonged illness that shook the family’s environment and a sense of safety. That we have time. That matter of fact talks on getting together to build something someday. That we can rely and rest leisurely to wait for the time to come. Seeing Deaths closely, of the ones you played your favorite sports with certainly retunes your sense of reality, your environment and meaning. It redirects you to the present moment. That some day we will do it, is such a farce.
My father keeps repeating one sentence and it often comes whenever he has seen me struggling that, ‘Hard Work never goes unrewarded. Ever since childhood, I felt an innate need to learn to swim. Not that anybody in my family could. Still can’t. They cannot enter water without knowing its depth. But it’s never about others. Swimming came to me like there was no other option. Learning just arrived. And I learnt it early. Even though I was never passionate about it, neither did I take it seriously. It was just that I would not drown. Rather, knowing it made me enjoy water better. That I found freedom in not becoming stone-like in deep waters. And in years to come it led me to swim in innumerable rivers and above all my favourite, not the Ganges but Dal that goes to Jhelum- the Vitasta, in Kashmir where I lived one season of my life.
Also read: Dipping in the Rivers of the World
Last year was a strange mix of stillness and flow with mounting vulnerability in the last part of the year. But the most striking thing that arrived was college. Going back to the university and finding myself in the midst of Special Educators was kind and quietly motivating. I wasn’t an Anthropologist or a Photographer anymore. Like seeking students I sat in classes filled with laughter and elsewhere-looking. Exams felt like a hard grind, like staring at a snake being cooked for over two months and its preparation was another trauma of smelling it on dim sim. Even though reading to memorize and sitting/writing for 3 straight hours wasn’t that bad. I enjoyed the challenge; acquiring new vocabulary, getting to know special children is special in a different way. I was writing and writing more, learning a bit of sign language, connecting with a lot of brave hearts in parents and their special Souls. But this period, though, helped me focus on only certain things. It kept me away from writing in general or even thinking of exploring any other space than my own self.
Yet early last year, couple of months before the exams on the sacred night of Shiva, I was called to Gokarna, again after 8 years. Gokarna, also known as Dakshin Kashi i.e. Varanasi of the South. Ancients have written about Gokarna as a place that is kind of a faster route to liberation than Varanasi is. Not only because there is the mighty Mahabaleshwara Temple that contains the atmalinga but also because it was a Tapo bhoomi where rituals were happening already. Ravana and lord Ram, had both stood here in different timelines. Kotiteerth i.e the highest place that houses the holy waters of all the teerthas around. And then there is the most beautiful and violent Rudrapada Sea also known as the Arabian Sea.
Gokarna has been my secret sacred space for over a decade now. It’s hard to reach and harder to leave. To say the least, I owe a lot of gratitude towards my spiritual practices that I could become available to, here. The people I met here and the time I got to hone and build some deep routines, happened in Gokarna. But like Varanasi, Gokarna is not easy on people who like to Gravitate elements. As we know, going fast has its own risks. Every visit of mine has had an experience that threatened my self-respect, even identity but this time after all these years and more so after being married, it almost took my life. And I still cannot decipher that event. On the darkest day of the Panchang, I found myself drowning in the sea. It happened so casually that I could not believe that I was swimming for my life. All these years later I was starting to believe that it was this day nature had prepared me for. As I swam for over an hour trying to push my way back towards the shore, the more I tried, the more I kept moving away from the coast, moving my legs, fighting for survival, looking at people moving away, busy playing their mud games, unaware of me desperately trying to be active and instinctive but submerging, sinking every passing second. And I do not know how, something was granted, as the sea deity bought time from me, or so I believe.
The above paragraphs were ready to be published on the blog in October but the home was jolted again, my eldest sister too left her body on the last day of that month. Partially from a sudden health cause and wholly from the grief that she could not contain since the death of our brother in September. It was the lowest I saw a family could get, at a loss for words, reason or hope. There was nothing to be done. And I left doing anything altogether until it would come back on its own.
Updating the Blog
To tell you, writing here for the last 6 years has given me immense pleasure and insight. Even love. There is no denying and no doubt in my mind that it has been the most fulfilling thing I have invested my time to, this decade. Not because I wrote more here than I did anywhere else but all along I have felt one with it, with this community which could be the best thing that can happen to a writer.
Another strange but elevating thing that occurred apart from me not present here was an enormous hike in readership. Each year since 2020, Road to Nara could never amass more than 30k-35k annually but in the last 6-7 months it blossomed into one of the most read blogs as it skyrocketed to nearly a million views and over a hundred thousand in the first two months already this. Of course, it’s motivating but then motivation doesn’t last too long. But it also gives me a window to peek inside my own archive, and ask what worked?
Sharing with you the 7 Most Read Stories that each went on to have a readership of over 20k-30k views.
1 The Pond of Saraswati and Meeting with the Brahma Kamal
2 Jyoti Bhatt: A Tribute to the Living Legend
3 Remember me with a Lotus: Memoirs of Heaven and Birds in Kashmir
4 List of 70 First Women Indian Masters in various Fiel who made History
5 Children of War and a Look into the Parallel Universe
6 Days in the Hidden valley of Mandal and a Short Trek to Ma Anusuiya Devi Temple
7 When a Wedding arrived Magically in Rajasthan
Today, as I look back to move forward, I seriously do not know how this space is going to shape or lead me as I am still too human to not be shaken by happenings that kind of turned the tide last year. May be you, my readers have something to suggest but One thing that I know is that I still want to write. I want to run and I still love my land and her people; the Himalayas.
In the coming time, Road To Nara- the blog name will be updated to ‘Road To Narayan’, as this vagabond travelling avatar that you have loved and read has entered another phase of his life. That Nara was only the waters but ‘Narayan’ is the way of the water. There is a meaning, and there is a direction to these Travels, to this life. I am blessed with a baby who is like hanuman at its very core. I am a father now. Wow, I never knew I would be writing this but so are the ways of nature, and it is she-the divine mother who is leading, not me. I am merely at her service.
Yet I feel once I am done with my college this year, Yog and writing will take all my time that they must. In the meantime I have slowly started posting short videos/films on the video channel of this blog and since it’s still very early I will be giving more time to expand it.
Happy to have published this finally, finally.
And a Very Happy and Auspicious, Colourful Holi to you.
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I will read it later dropped By real quick to see you back✨
I am so sorry for the loss and take your time to process everything!!!
Really happy to see you back!!!
Take care and stay safe da! 😇
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Thank you for writing back then Aparna, on checking on me when I wasn’t available here but I noticed. Thank you. And yes, looking forward to to share and read ❤
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Sorry for your loss. Happy that you are back. Hope the college education adds value to the work you are going to do with special needs children.
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Thank you for writing Ganga. Yes I am hoping that helps and supports in the work I can push myself to do.
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That is quite a lot of happenings for one year. the losses of your siblings must be devastating, but God has blunted some of the pain by giving you a son, in whom you see Hanuman. I have read that one has to just flow with the events of life. And it is good to see that you are doing just that. Like swimming through real waters, you will also swim through the sea of life with blessings of the Divine Narayana!
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That is quite a lot of happenings for one year. the losses of your siblings must be devastating, but God has blunted some of the pain by giving you a son, in whom you see Hanuman. I have read that one has to just flow with the events of life. And it is good to see that you are doing just that. Like swimming through real waters, you will also swim through the sea of life with blessings of the Divine Narayana!
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A lot of happenings Zephyr, like in the world all around us. Well, to tell you i see the strength of hanuman in the girl i am blessed with 🙂 Thank you for writing, you have been such a support ❤
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oops! sorry for mixing up girl and boy! You are right with the Hanuman analogy, for what is he but the embodiment of valour, intellect and devotion? May the child be blessed with all of his attributes!
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I am so sorry to hear your loss. You have lived a lot of happenings for one year. But to be a father, I think the most beautiful part. Blessing and Happiness to You and your family. I am so glad to see you come back. I wish all the best, Thank you, Love, nia
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Thank you much for writing, dear NIA. Yes, if one is still living to experience, it’s a blessing. Thank you. Shall be writing ❤
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I have missed your writing all these months and often thought of you. I am so terribly sorry for the tragedies that you have experienced. One alone would be sad but so many is too heavy a burden. It is merciful indeed that you learned to swim and that your family was spared yet another ghastly loss. But now you are married and a father and you are on a new path which I am sure will be an adventure. I pray that it will bring much reward and happiness. God Bless.
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Oh Caro, yes Past year was like a down spiral, and yes that sea swimming day, wow- and you would imagine I wasn’t swimming for the first time 🙂 but well. As you write I am up for the adventure. It has been overwhelming a little to be a father. Thank you so much for writing ❤
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It was lovely to see a post from you in my inbox but I’m so very sorry for the reason it’s been so long. Sending thoughts of comfort on your profound losses. Thinking of you and dispatching positive energy your way.
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So long, Monica. Thank you for writing. Need all the positivity, thank you ❤
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Narayan, I am sorry for your losses. Congratulations on your marriage and the birth of your son. The success of your blog is well-deserved. Glad to see you back.
It has been a very eventful period of your life, so many valleys, so many peaks! Wishing you peace and happiness. 💕
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Oh Cheryl, thank you for writing. And thank you for your wishes 🙂
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So sorry for your losses. You can be forgiven on not publishing or tending to much else during that period. The loss of loved ones takes a toll. Have a blessed day. Allan
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Thank you for writing dear Allan. ❤
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I am so sorry to hear of the loss of siblings. I can hear in your words how deeply it has hurt you. You seem to be on a good path to healing. Maggie
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Thank you for writing, dear Maggie. Yes, healing is the only way 🙂
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I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.
I am truly glad to have you back.
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Luisa, thank you for writing. Yes, want to share and write all over again 🙂
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🙏🙏🙏
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Links are broken. https://road-to-nara.com/project-school/ and https://road-to-nara.com/project-school/
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Thanks Gerry, yes site needs repair. I will get back to you with the links.
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My heart goes out to you, Nara. It hurts very much to lose your brother. Life is just not stable except in the inscrutable way that it’s stable and I don’t know what that is. All the blessings in the world on your marriage.
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Martha, yes past months took words away from me. Thank you for writing. There is only to much to share from here. ❤
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Peace, Love Respect and greetings to you Narayan. Namaste from Di
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Di ❤
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So many losses, of course you and your family are shaken. I am so sorry to read this, and I wish for you that you will get your inner peace back soon. ❤
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Thank you for writing dear Stella ❤
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Kind thoughts and blessings.
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Thank you for writing Jerry.
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Sincere condolences for all your terrible losses. Wishing you peace and comfort.
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Thank you for writing Davis.
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May almighty give you and family strength to move forward. May the departed souls join the divine abode. Glad to read about the birth of your baby. May the child, mother and you be blessed and guided by almighty. It’s the time for Nara to become Narayana. May you be blessed and guided by Narayana 🙏
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It has Krishna ji. And thank you for writing, for these words brought a big smile. Yes, i am happy you resonated with Nara becoming Narayan, now 🙏
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Sorry for your loss.
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Hey, thank you for writing.
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I’m really sorry for your loss.
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Edward, thank you for writing.
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You’re very welcome.
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Hello Narayan,
Good to see you back here. As always, I find myself resonating deeply with this post. However, this time, I am truly at a loss for words. I am very sorry for your loss, and I pray that their souls rest in eternal peace.
On the other hand, happy for you on becoming a father. I am pleased to see you back with your pen, stitching together another moving post.
I remember one of your earlier posts, the one which had a solitary tree in the middle of nowhere, with nothing around it, barren land, yet with all the vigour and enthusiasm it stood upright like a sentinel on eternal duty. Perhaps there is a small spark of motivation for all of us in that image – to keep moving forward.
Good to you have back again. Now as “road to Narayan”.
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Saurabh, wow that is an old old post. Solitary tree, just like that experience in itself, in middle of Thar, the desert. Thank you my friend. It means a lot and to read it is like hearing from you.
Yes, have come back and will try to keep up with your images and your writings that keep pushing me to travel in deeper Himalayas. Thank you.
By the way, you must have thought of trekking this summer somewhere?
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My condolences, Nara. May God envelop you with comfort and company in this period of sorrow.
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My prayers and condolences. I just found your site and subscribed because it seems promising. We’re in Jaipur for the end of a six-week visit with my in-laws. We visit every year or two, but I’ve barely seen anywhere beyond the suburbs. I hope to read your posts when I can.
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Dear Perry, makes me delighted to have you on this journey. Yes summers are knocking and its a good time to wrap things up.
It ll be great to have you reading some stories, and may be have you here next time and plan going around the countryside.
Thanks again
Narayan
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Such a lot of pain and loss, but joy too, in the birth of your child. Congratulations. Life is full. So good to hear from you amidst it all. Blessings.
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Dawn, so long. Yes. Perhaps life completed the cycle In birth and death while in play. Thank you. Received your blessings.
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